Perfect song, I made the perfect song and I burned the tape before anyone could hear it I’m so afraid to lose my past I know I bought this notebook on January ninth And I’m gonna burn it just as soon as it’s full so it can be perfect...

All I can hear are the echoes; detail is lost. And I’m wondering in dark though the sun is still up. The sun is still up. The purest form of reflection I am an unending night. An unending night. Place my own stars. In this black night Constellations aren’t real

Woke up late again cuz there’s nothing to get up for any more I liked it better when you were in my head Didn’t feel so alone back then... (The rain falls in sheets all year round) It doesn’t ask why it exists It doesn’t cry about hell 2PM and my eyes already heavy the more people come around the more tired I get. Metaphors are all useless. I am a ghost and the world's a hallucination. The more you love me the less that I deserve it...

(part one) Another party’s past and my head sings bitter words. Still the emptiness. Still not sure why. It’s a fundamental force, always acting, never in sight. Pour me another shot and turn those fucking lights off. When did I die? And who is left in the wake of all this? I dug up the grave just to see my own face Ghostly affects of a world I thought we’d left behing fill the room every time I’m here I wanna go back to Guitar Hero and lemonade to the kind of sad that goes away. (oh well) When did we die? Bodies strewn about the room soaked in bongwater and booze. It’s not the stars I’m scared of It’s the black between the stars and other vague, stupid things; memories lost to the normal drone THE PAST IS A CURSE I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BREAK and nostalgia’s a poison you can’t suck out of the veins. When will I die? Will I notice when I do? Will I have to exhume myself? the bite of the cold only hardened my resolve loose the arrow straight up kill God or else pierce your own heart. (part two) The neighbour’s place is orange splayed on the winter’s pale I’m sitting in my bedroom playing at a happy absent mind. The heat is up real high. An empty day blinks past. I feel like I am drowning never quite like I have drowned I want this world to go black in a haze of love and your warm eyes. Cuz the truth doesn’t care if it is night... But the water just keeps rising my eyes are still above it All of my skin is rotted off... If we’re just archæologists then what’s the point of now? It’s a trap of possibility and past. Cold bares his pearly teeth, his breath whips by. He bends telephone poles and pine treest into curled old husks of things. My jacket is only a sheet. I’m sorry for every time I’ve let you down. I’m sorry for the times still to come. I’m sorry that your gift didn’t make it here on time. Merry Christmas, I’m sorry I fucked it up... It’s dark and the air still moves in fits half our Christmas lights fell down. I only threw them up as a reminder, to honour him in my petty and useless way they already feel self-indulgent and guilty. And every second spent alone is a second wasted. Trapped in pockets of time that has passed. My thoughts are a suicide note unfolding through almost 20 years of wasted time in freeform pictures that mean more than they ought to. There is no truth at all... And the worst truth of all is that it’s all in my head. Life should be perfectly happy but I’m a pathetic and lazy child. I am not drowning. I’m not even in pain. Sunset is only sad because I made it that way.

How do I live with the fact that I’m empty? That there’s no one underneath? Filled my life with all these useless things so I don’t have to see much of anything. Cut my tongue; I’ve never said anything. I’ve never known anyone (really). Close my eyes to watch my mirror-mind tesselate and crack apart. There’s a hope in those eyes that I can’t meet so I’ll bury my head instead. Feel cold in your warm living room. I don’t want to die... but I want to die. So this isn’t going anywhere. I’ll turn the question around. With my eyes closed for five fucking hours Maybe I can wound myself There’s a hole in my chest and it breathes out and it breathes out till I’m empty and gone I’ll drift like a ghost around those I love with my darting serpent’s eyes so full of narcissistic words. I don’t believe that I want to die. Lord knows I’ve tried to live, and I think I'll keep trying.

Take me away on winds of distortion to the land of old tapes. Destroy my brain with the endless rememb’ring of things. Songs of summer mornings from times so far away. Travel between dreams and lose yourself... the sky looks like a picture tonight taken with that camera that’s older than we are is it late enough to clasp our hands in the streetlight i damn the rain but we both know that i secretly like it what i’m really afraid of is treading deep water and the depth of your heart is blowing my dumb mind i wanna fill the air with a million i-love-you's but my voice is too weak for the truth You cry in your sleep sometimes, wake up like you left something behind All hazy memories destroyed when sunlight hits them I know it’s not the same... You’re still gonna have to get up some day (this room stays the same) [despite all the years in between] Even if your world is a waking dream (it’s a vision of teenage time) [i’m still tripping through my life] Even if breathing feels like torture (from when amounting to nothing was just a sleeping fear, that is only at night) [endless reflective pathways i’m a prisoner in my own head.] [(I know it’s not the same)] When you’re an outcast the world can’t hurt you (I have seen things that you would not believe) I know it’s not the same But I love you anyway.

Lie after lie after lie! I’m sure the sun will shine next time even if I have to burn this place down. But the stars aren’t real and the mountain’s not real! Those symbols I used to sing about were just idols! But I’m empty... and that’s what I sing about now and I love you... and that’s what I sing about now Does it sound banal? Is boring so wrong? I just want a steady job. GONNA FINISH MY DEGREE!!!!! Then I’ll go back to these fantasies; to the mountain songs that so transfigured me. Lie after lie after lie! Reaching toward something even if I have to burn this soul down. And that’s not to say that I won’t descend into the canyon of TV static obscurity once again. The picture’s unclear; my dream was sold to me The blinding clarity of stars and mountains doesn’t say anything. I suppose the thing I call happy is somewhere in the center of it.

If this song could last forever I would play until I bleed. Yesterday a songbird got caught in one of the mouse traps in our back yard His blood stained the sidewalk, I set him free. He limped and he flew to the top of the fence where his leg dangled like a dead yoyo I murdered a bird yesterday. ...And there is no reason for anything. If this song never ends Then we never have to go back The greatest party is always the closest one even when you face the drunken night. The sky is an ocean of black glass, it's pretty like a tragedy. Knife-gleam on the rain wet pavement, it's pretty like a tragedy Try to live when the drugs abandon you. Try to block out the cold and dark. People like you are the reason I'm living. I know I'm rambling, I'm a little drunk... but I can't believe that you exist. Who needs acid when the moon is so beautiful? Who needs acid when I catch your eye? If special moments could last forever... well, they wouldn't be special at all. People like you are the reason I'm dying You're too good for some anxious manchild. The pretty world is far too good for me. Is this what it's like to go insane? We hate ourselves, cuz it's all we know. And I write songs, cuz I have to do something. These words won't mean anything when the song ends. Significance is just a harmless-little-lie-I-tell-myself, makes the days go down smoother. If you can't get high, the world better be beautiful Save my life; you've done it too many times. Every morning, every night. Sometimes I can't stand it. The grass too green, the sun's too pretty. I can't even meet your eyes... ... Here's the solo. The album is over. I'll drag it out for as long as I can, but the album is over.